Possessed!
by cartoonpsycho888999
Summary: Captain Howdy from the Exorcist takes over Kagomes teddy bear and goes on a murderous rampage through the school! Amane has no choice but to hire the best of the best to take care of the problem. Jay and Silent Bob make appearances too.Xtreme WTF crossove


THE RESSURECTION OF CAPTAIN HOWDY, CHAPTER ONE.

Deep inside the catacombs of a tomb in Assyria, an ancient force stirred. No. It actually thrashed around with an orgasmic force that was enough to denote its rage and frustration. It was called Pazuzu. Pazuzu did not like being exorcised from a perfectly good host. Pazuzu did not like being ripped apart limb by limb and cast down into this musty old tomb. He needed _souls, _like his good acquaintance Pinhead used to quip. He needed fresh young flesh...the warm taste of blood in his mouth...

At the moment, Pazuzu was in a non-coporeal state, disabling his ability to feast on human flesh. Fortunately though, his ingenuity had lead him to _finally _break off the seals of his tomb. ( Thanks to many hours of puzzle solving. Ten years to be exact) You might think that Pazuzu might have been quite a _stupid _demon to not have been able to figure out a _puzzle _for ten years, but this puzzle was quite _tricky_ to say the least. One wrong move and the seals placed upon it could incinerate his essence and banish him to the Abyss, ( courtesy of the priests that banished him here, _ten _priests to be exact. They claimed that he put up quite a struggle.) For now, Pazuzu was contemplating on just _how _he would possess something and start to devour humans. He hungered for _female _flesh. Male flesh was equivalent to red meat, and females were equivalent to white meat. During his last rampage, he ingested a _little _bit too much red meat, and since then was hungering for some supple white meat. Ever since the last of the ancient Assyrians abandoned him, the sacrifices stopped coming, and Pazuzu was left to rot away in his crumbling temple.

But hey, he's not the ancient demon of wind and pestilence for nothing, right? So he went along and started to gobble up humans like chips out of a bag. It sustained him for a thousand plus years, and it will _continue _to sustain him as long as he didn't get blasted away by any priests. There was only _one _place floating around his demonic mind that would suit him for now. Full of young girls and things to possess and devour.

Astrea Hill.

Strawberry Dorms, 11:00 AM

Tamao was busy scribbling away in her notebook and making corrections to Nagisa's bust measurements. Ever since she ran away with that bimbo Shizuma, ( Tamao had the courtesy never to say her objections out loud.) something in that delicate little brain of hers snapped and prompted her obsession with Nagisa to reach _towering _new heights. Since Nagisa was always quite oblivious to everything happening around her, she didn't really quite notice the little shrine Tamao put up in her closet of her. Yaya chan caught her worshipping the shrine one day and told her quite as-a-matter-of-factly that she reminded her of Helga from Hey Arnold.

Several months had passed since the elections for the new Etoile. The Prince and Princess of Spica ( Amane _liked _being called that.) were rubbing their sizeably different tushes into their new thrones and enjoying it immensely. Not to say that they were tyrannical by any means though, but curfew was pushed back to nine thirty, and Amane was thinking of using her influence to get the council to expand the horse ranch by another square mile.

It was spring now, and the weather was playing tricks on everybody _again. _One minute it would look like spring, and the next moment a blizzard or a pouring thunderstorm would disturb the peace. Much to Tamao's dismay, Nagisa would now permanently go with Shizuma under the umbrella in these kinds of days now.

According to Hikari's daily planner and recorder, everything was going quite smoothly with the three schools. Everything was quite the same as usual. Chiyo was still hoping to score with Nagisa, ( though that would never happen.) Miyuki was still keeping Shizuma on a _relatively _tight leash, Shion was still being Kaname's puppet, ( though she would never admit it.) Momomi and Kaname still had a healthy sex life, although _healthy _would be an understatement and _obsessive _would be a better description. They were the ones that caused the introduction of the new rule: No Sexual Cavorting In the Library. Lilum was still the filler of the killers ( meaning that Spica and Miator kicked it's ass.), containing only the strange and potential maniacs such as Kagome and her creepy teddy bear, Kizune, Remon, and Chikaru the sock puppet master.

Oh. And Tsubomi now installs candid cameras in Hikari's shower booth and does oh-so-bad things with them now and then. She occasionally shares them with Yaya Chan for a substantial fee every now and then.

Astrea Hill, 3:00 PM

Hikari was peacefully strolling along the paved woods that led all the way out to the cliff where Shizuma's house was located. She was still quite high from the _glorious _sex that she and Amane had had last night. It was now ten sessions and counting. Amane kept on bringing up the subject of going to a sperm donor and actually rearing a child. They still had difficulty deciding who was going to be the one who's huffin and puffin for a 24 hour labor.

As luck would have it, she bumped into Yaya chan, who was busy moping around and bobbing her head to her I-Pod.

'Yaya Chan!'

Yaya spun around at the sound of Hikari's high, soprano voice. Sheesh. How she _dearly _wished that voice would _gasp and moan_ when she-

'Yaya Chan! What are you doing here? I haven't seen you for _days!'_

Yaya blushed, ' Well, I've been here and there...taking care of school work...I've got an end of the semester Art project coming up...'

'Oh really? What are you doing?'

Yaya took this as an opportunity for her to worm her way into the subject of her love for Hikari. The sound of Hikari's melodious voice chimed all the way into her-

' Oh...um It's an- an abstract painting! We're studying Cubism right now!'

'I _love _cubism! So many pretty colours...say, Yaya chan, why are you looking so down today...'

'_Yes. The __Yaya__ look never fails.' _ Yaya thought triumphantly as Hikari fell for the bait.

'Hikari...why don't you ever return my feelings for you...I love you so much...'

This caught Hikari off guard. She recoiled, ' But...but Yaya chan, I do like you as a friend...but...my feelings are for Amane Sempai...please don't bring this up again...we're still friends right...?

The word '_ friends'_hit Yaya's heart like a baseball bat to a pumpkin. Friends? FRIENDS!? Is that all she thought of her? A friend!? After all those nights of Yaya staring at Tsubomi's pictures of Hikari and wishing she were hers, after all the pain she went through? Maybe she went too fast this time. Maybe if she wormed her way into Hikari's feelings a little slower...but she knew that her goal would never be reached. Her love and virginity was given to Amane, and_ that _was something that would become a rock hard barrier between_ any _chances of them eloping.

Hikari's eyes were filling up with tears now. ' I'm sorry Yaya chan...I'm sorry I hurt you...'

'GET TO THE FUCKING POINT ALREADY!!!!' This was not Yaya chan's voice. This came from the bushes behind Hikari. It also scared the living shit out of both girls, prompting them both to jump a few feet into the air.

A scruffy looking long haired blond man in his twenties struggled out of the bushes, followed by a dim looking corpulent brown haired guy _also _in his twenties. ' We came here to see some fucking lesbian action man, but what do we get? A fucking _soap _opera with helium filled voices! Dude! That is soooo messed! Don't you agree Lunchbox?' The dim looking man nodded absentmindedly. The blonde haired guy tweaked a ratty baseball cap on his head, ' Name's Jay, and this is Bob. Howdya do? We came here for some hot chick on chick action!'

At this point, Yaya and Hikari were so in shock that they could hardly move a muscle, but once Jay toned down his language a bit and became a little more candid, Yaya and Hikari belted out the high pitched screams that lay dormant for an eternal twenty seconds.

'Oh shit dude, We've got some screaming chicks on our hands, Lunchbox, let's make a run for it!'

Bob nodded silently and went on a fast jog with Jay. Unfortunately, they were still high from a stash of marijuana Jay had in his pocket, so they basically ran around Hikari and Yaya in circles, thinking that they were getting somewhere in the process. Amane sprinted all the way to the crime scene and found _her _Hikari being surrounded by...two _men. _MEN. After several years of isolation from the male gender, Amane's eyes took a little bit time to adjust to the sight of two humans with PENISES instead of PUSSY. When she snapped out of it, she stalked over the two overgrown children running around in circles and took them both by the heads.

'Whoah, _shit _lunchbox, this chick is stroooong...' That was Jay's last words before Amane brought both of their heads together with a loud CRACK and sent the two crumpling down to the floor. '_That _ _will__ teach those intruders.' _Thought Amane with great satisfaction. 'HIKARI! They didn't hurt you, did they?'

Hikari didn't answer because she was _also _crumpled on the floor along with Yaya in a dead faint.

STRAWBERRY DORMS, 7:00 pm

Pazuzu had finally gotten to his destination. The feeding ground of Astrea Hill. Now all he needed to do was find a suitable host that was not too conspicuous, but flexible and versatile. Some girls in the dorms had complained of a chill when he brushed by them, but that wasn't cause for worry. He had his eyes set on a little brown haired girl they knew as 'Kagome' she carried around a sturdy looking multi-jointed teddy bear that was apparently, ( judging from the other girls' comments.) Ten years old. Perfect. Inconspicuous _and _deceiving. Pazuzu squeezed his essence. ( with some difficulty, since he hadn't compressed himself in some years.) into the teddy bear. When little Kagome went to sleep, he would steal down to the kitchen and grab himself a knife. His essence gave the teddy bear invulnerability to flames, cuts, and bludgeoning, sort of like that idiot Chucky in the movie Child's Play. Kagome lifted him up into her chest and started talking to him in nonsense, such as ' Oshibaru, who do you think is my true love?' and jazz like that.

'I'll only have to endure this crud for a little while longer, then its _feedin__' time!'_ muttered Pazuzu to himself as he snuggled into the teddy bear's fluff. ' _Yes__. It's time for some good eaten' __Cap'n__Howdy's__ BACK!'_


End file.
